It's been a while!

2 months and 4 days to be precise. Since I last wrote anything here. I wasn't ok then. I'm not completely ok now either. Days have turned into weeks into months. I've blogged so much in my head it's not funny. But that's not enough is it? I need to occupy this space here too.

Just the other day a friend I caught up with, for brunch, mentioned how someone called Russell Davies, ex-Global Consumer Planning Director of Nike, wrote this interesting blog on 'How To Be Interesting'. I asked him to send me a link. Now as I was going through that piece, I realized that this man RD is a prolific writer and maintains at least 6 blogs. Jesus! And in the course 'googling' him, to find out exactly what his credentials were (I didn't remember what my friend told me about him being ex-Nike et al), I came across some interesting sites such as psfk.com. Yeah go figure! See? Thanks to RD, I've already found an interesting site!!

Ok, but this is where it's at, or rather where I'm at. I'm mentally and physically fatigued. I can't think anymore. The traffic and what it does to me is taking up every waking hour. The office, the remaining. I'm becoming a vegetable. Willy-nilly a vegetable. I don't want to seem to do anything much. I'm a whiner, a cribber, a fearful failure and a wreck. I'm lots of things. I'm tired even thinking of all the adjectives. Yes, I'm tired.

But there are odd moments of lucidity when I plan on rebuilding my life from scratch. Rebuilding my character, my attitude and revisiting my beliefs. I'm putting together an excel sheet, yeah, a simple excel sheet of what, when, time frames and a lot more blah, and that's going to become my road map, my log, my calendar and my minder. Am I weird or what?

The world's going crazy with technology, what with twitter and Facebook and Youtube and etsy and Flickr and what not. I can't keep pace with it. I should I know, but I can't. I'll wait for my moment and my time. I may be 2 months too late. Yes, nowadays everyday there's something new so what's new today is obsolete tomorrow and hence 2 months is probably equivalent to 20 years. So I may be 2 months too late butI will try.

But I still wonder - why am I trying so hard? What's the need to? What am I trying to prove? To whom? Why? I don't know the answers. I'm not even going to attempt to answer them now. I don't have the stamina to analyse all that. But yet, I want to do, to be something. Not be obscure. And one of the reasons I haven't written among many, is that, my blogs usually turn obscurantist in nature. (Who uses such words anymore eh?).

So in order to simplify the order of things, I'm going to try and reinvent myself. I don't know if it's worth it, don't know if I'll succeed or just give up and fail. Again, too many questions and answers none. Be it with technology, or 'being more interesting', or cultivating some new hobby, anything. I'm going to try. And when will this new avatar resurface as a 'born again'? 6 months? Maybe that's too little time. But I'll see.

This new change will require me to be unstinting and unflinching in the achievement of my goal with unwavering focus. For un nouvelle moi? Is that correct French? Je ne sais pas. Does it matter? Who reads this blog?

So there. Be prepared. For 'there she goes, there she goes again'. And hey, pray for me will you? I need 'em prayers, always have, but now more than ever.