That crazy restless feeling!

I haven't written anything worthwhile for a while now. By that statement one would assume that everything else that has been previously written here is worthwhile and how presumptous is that :).

Anyway, it seems that I'm going through a phase where everything is in limbo. Life, my life, it seems,is either at the point of taking off on various fronts or not at all. It's like you want something so much and so bad that you can taste it, and then you have to contend with the ruckus in your head and heart created by the million different reasons (none of them palatable) for why something should just not be happening. One actually looks for familiar signs and patterns that make you almost want to scream at their almost implacable inevitablity of doom.

You begin to question why, how, shake your head and get rid of the naysayers in your head, you want to believe, then you say, 'but this can't happen to me, as I don't deserve it' and almost will it to not happen and then you're in that whirlpool of doubts that drain you of all positive energy.

I do wish at such times that I could predict the future. Or at least stop the incessant and sometimes excruciatingly painful questions that go hammer and tongs at you. Even if one shakes the head and says 'I don't know the answers to all questions and it's not important to know either', they keep coming back.

I'm assailed by that familiar feeling of doom. Of course there are some bloggers who I read intermittently and who cock a snook at all those who say 'sigh!' and apparently go 'how lonely I am' and go 'sob sob, crib crib' and it's hilarious to read it too. That is one end of the spectrum, and at the other end, you wonder why is no one sometimes left alone? Why does one have to comment on everything, everyone, how they feel or what they feel and be insensitive? Sure it's good to laugh at oneself and never take oneself seriously, but hey, there are some who are genuinely the grave, serious kind of folk who are hyper sensitive and who are lonely and all that, so just let them express what they want and let them be. So am I arguing a case for myself? Grin! grin! Not really. Thankfully no one really does visit my blog here so I'm basking in the comfort of anonymity. Yes!!

Anyway that was a bit of a digression which makes me feel better as the focus was away from what I'm feeling, which is, restless, weary, afraid and hopeful all at the same time. For various reasons.

Please Mister God, let good things happen to me. I'm really really really tired of praying :)

Will you give me a sign?