Playing favourites!

Today is April 20th, 2007. Why am I stating this global, obvious fact here? Because today is supposed to be a 'very good day'. How do I mean? We Hindus, (am not being parochial here nor scathing, and pardon my ignorance, but maybe even people of other religions and beliefs do this) believe in the planets and the stars and their positions, etc.

A lot of Hindu households will sport a rectangular, card board with tearable dates affixed to this card board which will usually have the picture of a Hindu deity as the backdrop design. This calendar as it happens to be, will usually be hung in the kitchens of many homes, as it helps the women keep track of not just the day, date, month, year, but the auspicious dates, days, festivals, etc.

Similarly we also consult priests to find out which is a 'good day' or auspicious for new beginnings, marriage days, and a million other things that one would want to embark upon in life. In this context then, April 20th is a very good day. Isn't the big fat celebrity Indian wedding taking place today proof of the pudding?

Ok, so as things stand, I went to the temple today. I'm not a temple going person. And that's a simple matter of fact. I'm not apologetic or diffident about it. Am not an agnostic nor an atheist either, but I have my conversations with God at home and I do pray, even if I'm tired :). There was a time in life, many nostalgia ridden years ago, when I was angry with the Almighty. In my own immature widom, I blamed Him for everything that had gone wrong in my life. For all the people I loved, being taken away from me, my grandma for instance. The terrible episodes with father, bearing the burden of being me and the attendant trauma of coming of age and realizing that being an adult is not the anticipated, bated breath, jump-off-the-cliff excitement that one had envisaged when one was 10 or 12. I don't remember exactly when I made my peace with Him but I've been having my conversations with Him ever since.

So I went today to invoke his blessings on a phase of my life that I'm embarking upon. A venture that I have collaborated upon, and the first baby steps on the path to entrepreneurship. It was like 'launching' my venture with God as the brand ambassador :). No commercials, radio spots, hoardings, word of mouth, event, fliers and all the marketing blitzkrieg accompanying the birth of new ventures. Just a simple, 'please bless this God' that's it. Of course as has always been my habit, every time I go to the temple, I have to beseech Him to also 'bless Shalu and Reena and Bunty and.....' and reel off a list of names that are not just names but important pieces of the mosaic that is my life.

It's a lovely temple complex and ever since I moved to Bangalore more than 5 years ago, I've seen the evolution of the temple so to speak. From a non descript, dingy, ramshackle temple, today it is a well laid out, simple, organized, clean and fairly peaceful complex and abode of many Gods. Yes, many Gods. I don't know the names of half of them. So when there are so many Gods, how does one know that He or She or They (there are clusters of them too), are It? Like my ma went unerringly to the Elephant Headed (and my personal favourite God) one and handed over the flowers and coconut, etc., and whispered in the priest's ear the name of the company I was giving birth to and he did what we call, 'archana'. :) I stood. I prayed. I hoped. I didn't ask. I was pregnant with possibilities awaiting delivery.

I then ambled across to all the others and paid obeisance. Then as is customary, one is supposed to sit on the steps of the temple to supposedly wait for the fulfillment of one's prayers (?) or is it for allowing time for Him to queue it up? Not sure, but either way, it was when I sat on the bench for lack of steps, and saw the devotees there and the different doors they knocked on, of the cashew and fig adorned Krishna, or the silver embellished Venkateshwara or the gorgeously draped and bedecked Laxmi (or was it some other goddess? pardonnez moi dear Goddess, don't cast your wrath on me for mixed up identities), that I wondered, if all these other residents of the temple cast in stone and granite and looking at me dispassionately, would be upset, disappointed, angry, jealous, for me having gone to Lord Ganesha for my 'archana'? Would they think I was playing favourites? And so would they pay me back in the same coin and play favourites with me too? But that is not how He is supposed to be right? The all-seeing, all-knowing, the virtuous, Perfection Incarnate? No, He'd understand and forgive me.

After all can I not be forgiven for thinking that all of Them were actually One?
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Rewind<<<

Nostalgic venue: 10/12 years ago in the last century. A temple that was in the suburb where I grew up in. The temple that featured Anupam Kher and Rohini Hattangadi in that moving film, Saaransh, and that elicited so much excitement.

Nostalgic memory: Going regularly to pray. Sitting on the benches or the steps (yes it had steps) and spending time with myself. Time with the pigeons that'd crowd there. With the old ladies who'd come and gossip. With the young, who'd use the temple as their 'social networking' circuit. Giggle giggle, nudge nudge, wink wink, psssst! :). Whatever the reasons, all of us came for reasons of faith. We all needed to believe.

And I'd sit and watch and think and talk to myself and ask and wonder and cry and beseech and have my one-on-one with the Maker.

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Forward>>>

Present day: I went to the temple today because it's a 'very good day'. April 20th, 2007. And as I sat and watched, I saw that the believers and beseechers came from a certain age-group. Elderly couples, women, middle-aged men and women, and very few young. And I wondered why. Is this the age of Supreme Confidence and Supreme Faith?

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Tangential Note:

Saw the last half hour of Graham Greene's 'The End of the Affair' with Ralph Fiennes and Julianne Moore. Haven't read the book, but knew about it, so guessed it was that and was vindicated when the film title appeared after a break. A beautiful line that struck me -
"It's easy to write about pain. What do you write about happiness?'

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No more notes today. Ende.