Angry, just very angry!

Today is a Monday for me.
Took an extra day off from work and chilled out at home yesterday.
My road rage has been under a tight leash these past few days. Have maintained a log and so far it seems am getting a 4 out of 5 on that front.

Angry because....I
Go to office and see an email from a team member.
Something's uploaded but something else's not.
I call to find out why not.
The person (let's call him S) has not read the email which explicitly mentions the file, the server path and the names of the folders, an email sent on Friday.
"I didn't know what xxx was".
So call and find out right?
But no, we shall wait, because it is our lot in life to wait.
Maybe it comes from being Indian.
We wait for the heavens to open up and give us a good crop.
We wait for the Sensex to rise and the fuel prices to come down.
We wait for grooms and brides to materialise and we wait for miracles to happen and transform this blessed country.
Yes, perhaps to wait comes from being Indian.
It's in our DNA and in our race.
"Allah ki marzi" or "Jaise bhagwan ki icchha" - who hasn't heard of these refrains (If He wishes so). It may be called being fatalistic, tolerant or just plain...Indian.

And when the young lad on the other side of the telephone cord tries explaining, I think my really tight leash slips. And that slippage is enough for my anger and frustration to get a leg in the door. I don't raise my voice, but I do try and make the young man understand that 'God does lie in the details' (for God's sakes, doesn't he bloody realize?? he's a graphic designer for crying out loud, where do these guys come from?), and it gets ugly when he says he won't accept that he's at fault or some such.
In my typical fashion, I say 'thank you' and hang up.
What gets my goat is that I've pointed out mistakes and errors on his part umpteen times, sometimes angrily, most times matter-of-factly, and sometimes like a mother hen.
Nothing's working.

I pick up the phone and am ready to call it quits at work.
I've been meaning to do that for many months now and this is my last straw (or so it seems). Thankfully boss is unavailable.
Colleague calls up on something else that I'm angry about.
We talk, rather she talks, I listen.
She says some nice things, and I get emotional.
I'm very highly strung and overwrought.
I need a break and I don't mean a holiday.
I need a break.

Angry because....II
I absolutely hate it when my ideas get executed by somebody else.
It happens far too often and has been happening for a while now. I hate it.
I've been meaning to throw a 'surprise' party for my ma since March.
For having gone through the turmoil and withstood my fetish for perfection and the attendant problems with the masons and carpenters and the interiors and what not while my apartment was getting done. We lived through it like prisoners of war.
She's something else, my mother.
I wonder how women become the mothers they do, starting out as the women they are.
Well, the cloak of motherhood is probably the most fascinating that can envelope one in its mystical and magical role-play.
So anyway, besides the puja, etc., that we did and had a small party at home for ma's friends, I didn't have the surprise party.
I did discuss it with my aunts and my cousin who was here at that time, heavily pregnant.
This very same cousin calls up just under an hour ago.
Speaking to my mom. Asking her about a 'surprise' party for her mom (my aunt and my ma's younger sister).
I gathered the gist of the conversation while pretending to take some print-outs.
Fuming.
Not because my ideas are original.
Not because others can't have the same.
But because someone else is getting there first.
And it was mine to begin with.

Angry because....III
Ticker tape on a news channel.
National Award winners - best film, best actress and so on.
France get beaten by Netherlands at the UEFA 3-0 (whoa!!) (Damn! I should've stayed awake to catch that).
Bail plea denied to Talwar (the father) in that heart wrenching yet horrifying murder case of a young 14 year old (the daughter).
And then the piece de resistance - 2 police officers dismissed after having raped.
Dismissed. Yes, dismissed. Just like that. It's almost like a stern matronly principal dismissing 2 errant school boys for writing some naughty things on the blackboard. How we trivialise issues! This is not about a blackboard.
It's about rape.
It's not consensual sex. It's rape. Against a woman's will. (For God's sakes, do men understand this?).
I remember having this conversation and argument with another blogger friend (and now not in touch for various reasons) about the definition of rape and how I was getting so flustered about it.
I think men have to be women and get raped to understand what it means to have sex without one's consent, forcefully.
Dismissed, yes.
2 f#$%^&g police constables are free to roam the streets and commit the same venal act again, if their lascivious eyes pick out another helpless victim.
Remeber Kaa from The Jungle Book and his refrain to Mowgli, 'Trust in me' all the while wrapping himself around the little boy child?
Perhaps bad analogy, but for some reason laughable though it may be, these 2 arse-holes reminded me of that venomous creature. (Please note that in that fantastic animation classic, each character is just that...a classic and lovable, and has no bearing at all on the subject being discussed).

So yes, am angry and hurt. Very angry.