Ever Hit The Rewind Button?

So you see a movie. And there's a scene. Between man and woman. Something about that scene strikes you. And you go whirrrrrrr....it's in rewind mode!

You see a soap opera on the idiot box. And there's a scene. Between male and female. Something she says to him makes you go whirrrrrr....rewind again.

You read a book. Words are exchanged. Between male and female protagonist. The words seem familiar. And right enough, you hit the << button.

Relationships. We're constantly trying to seek the truth about relationships aren't we? What went wrong. What went right. The analysis and post-mortem that we unleash on a relationship would make a dead body squirm. But guess that's human nature. We're always wondering how we could have done this or done that and reliving situations and dialogues and moments and letters written and songs heard and snatches of conversation. And remembering.

As I prepare to sleep, unfortunately, I'm in rewind mode. It's 'rewind relationships'. Unfortunate because it doesn't give pleasure like a much loved song or piece of poetry. An oft traversed path, it's not the canopied, leafy, serene pathway that one so loved. Now the heart sees the harsh rays of the sun leafing through the turret of green, the toes groan at the gravel sneaking in through your sole, you notice the dusty mounds of grief that you would've otherwise called hills. Yes, I am in rewind mode and I see it differently. Because when there was hope and joy and thrill and excitement, the path beckoned. Today, when there's nothing except thoughts, memories and 'what ifs' and 'why not me' ably accompanied by tears, the path seems lonely, dark and forbidding.

I wonder though. I wonder sometime. Albeit fleetingly, but the thought does cross my mind, knowing fully well that he doesn't have the time, as he's too busy building his road to wherever, too busy making a life, too busy proving his worth to himself and others (if he heasn't already), too goddammed busy in his young life, - does he think of me sometime?

Dammit! Rewinds aren't good. That's why one keeps saying, 'keep walking' and 'forward march'.

I want to say something clever and funny and philosophical and all that. But all I can do is wipe my runny nose and jab the key board harder in the hope that tomorrow will be a new dawn.

Chirp, chirp!